Second Grade Semantics

The other day, The Professional had a delightful telephone conversation with the second-grade daughter of a childhood friend. The call went something like this:

The Professional: "Hi Baby Girl!"
Baby Girl: "Hiiiiii...!"
The Professional: "How is school honey?"
Baby Girl: "It's good."
The Professional: "What are you learning?"
Baby Girl: "Spelling."
The Professional: "What else?"
Baby Girl: "Contractions."
The Professional: "Wow, that's important stuff, are you getting good grades?"
Baby Girl: "I'm getting all 'A's!'
The Professional: "Good girl. I'm proud of you."

This brief conversation was the motivation The Professional needed to write a post about a topic that's been irritating her for a good-long while now. Let her be transparent with her words: There are some of you, grown-ass adults, who lack understanding about when and where to implement proper use of spelling and contractions. Actually, an edit to that last line--because ALWAYS is the "when and where" to use proper spelling and use of contracted words. There is no respite for the implementation and usage of basic skills that we learned in second grade. None. But perhaps some of you need a refresher.

In the spirit of public service, The Professional is providing you knuckleheads with some very clear direction about fixing the faulty way you may be living as a grown-up. Sure, you can have a pass or two when rushing to type an answer via text message during your work day (though The Professional has set her BlackBerry's auto-text to replace typing shortcuts with the correct words). And drunk-texting, while ill-advised for a host of reasons, is also a place where a slip-up of the finger may cause you to send a mistake. But in your work emails? In your instant message conversations? In your Twitter entries? In your BLOG? No. No passes given here. Pay attention dammit, because whatever it is--be it laziness, or lack of a second-grade education--you are playing yourself. Seriously.

Welcome back to second grade...

Your vs. You're / They're vs. Their vs. There / To vs. Too

You look like a guaranteed idiot by refusing to acknowledge--or not knowing how to identify the differences in the groups of words noted above. Here's a couple of hints:

• You're and They're are contractions. A contraction is a word made up of a verb (an action word) and another word. A contraction meshes two words together, meaning its a type of "shortcut," though the meaning of the two words remains the same. Therefore, use these words when both words are still appropriate and wouldn't change the sentence. Some examples:

- You're supposed to be at the event.
- They're supposed to be at the event.

• Your and Their are pronouns. These words are possessive, which means they are used to show ownership of a noun (a person, place or thing). Some examples:

- Your mother is a great cook!
- What did you do with their coats?

• To and Too are just plain different words. Keep these words straight by remembering that "too" means "also" and "extremely." If you wouldn't use the word "also" as a substitute for where you're using "too," then you're using the wrong word. Some examples:

- I am not too happy about his performance.
- I am going to the store.


Look, the moral of this post is this: You are a GROWN ASS ADULT who hopefully contributes to, and participates in contemporary society. Enhance your fabulousity level by using the schoolhouse lessons you learned at age 7. When you don't, you appear to be someone that The Professional would have difficulty taking seriously, and she's sure that she's not the only one that quietly thinks you're some kind of Certified Dummy.

Thank you and carry on...