Holiday Texting

It's a rainy Christmas Day in Los Angeles, and as such, The Professional tried her best to get a really thorough "sleep-in" this morning (she was serious about this--and even dosed herself up with Tylenol PM before hitting the pillow last night). It was 6:34am when she heard the bllliiiinngggg!! of her blackberry: it was her first Holiday Text from an East coast friend who, consumed with the Christmas spirit, must have forgotten that those on the West coast were still in a state of restful slumber. As the texts kept coming in throughout the morning, The Professional started thinking about the different types of Holiday Texts that people send. She laughs at some, feels heartwarmed by others, and yet others really irritate her. She outlines the types of Holiday Texts herein:

• The "Mass" Generic Text: This message is easy to spot. It reads something impersonal and/or interchangeable, and it doesn't reference your name. Something like 10:00am's message "Merry Christmas! Have a wonderfully merry merry day!" Those with some tact like the aforementioned will at least try to make it a bit less obvious, but there's always those people who will type something like what The Professional received at 12:40pm:"Merry x-mas to all fam and friends!" You could at least try to pull a Jedi Mind Trick on a sucker, but that one is obviously a Mass Generic Text, right? The Professional doesn't engage in sending Mass Generic Holiday Texts, because she prides herself on her ability to personally relate to her friends. In response to the Mass Generic Text, she'll typically reply with something very personal like, "Thank you Dominique, please send my best to your mother and lets catch up for a drink soon. Next week?" This is her way to address the tackiness of the Generic Mass Text.
  

**Special Note: In the spirit of honesty, there is in fact, one instance where The Professional sends the Mass Generic Text: Her sorority's Founder's Day (and directly related, her brethren fraternity's Founder's Day as well). Perhaps she'll get sentimental this year and attempt to send individual messages to each of her sorors with reasons why she's glad to have them in her life, but that's a tall order that she'll have to marinate on. She has a couple weeks to think about it :-)

• The Religious Reminder Text: There are two distinct types of Religious Reminder Holiday Texts: Tactful and Tacky. At 11:37am, The Professional received what she classifies as tactful: "May the spirit of Christ fill your heart and home today and everyday!" At 9:16am however, she received a very tacky one: "Merry Christmas! Hope u have a blessed day and remember what its really about! Jesus loves u!" Ummm.... ok. Here's a newsflash: The Professional doesn't need to be reminded what Christmas is "about." She's a grown ass woman, not a child who gets caught up in the gift-receiving department and needs to be shook into religious reality. This type of text is beyond tacky--its borderline offensive. Further, if you think that the recipient of your tacky Religious Reminder Text really needs the reminder, perhaps you should take some time to internalize about what type of people are in your address book. And then, if you still really believe that your "friend" needs Jesus, how about something a pinch more significant than a passive-agressive text message? Again, the key to success with the Religious Reminder Text is subtlety. Without it, you risk being categorized as a player for Team Tacky, and we all know that this is fabulousity-suicide.

• The Personal Message: Nothing is more fabulous than the Personal Message. It signifies that you took the time and effort to focus on one person, even for just the few seconds it took to compose the message. At 10:43am, The Professional received a great personal message from one of her favorite friends: "Merry Christmas Kelly! I hope Santa brings you your entire Christmas list! I know I owe you a call...heading out of town now, so I'll hit you when I get back :-)" This is the type of message that a fabulousity expert like The Professional appreciates. Text messages are, by nature, very impersonal. So if you can't spare the time to pick up the phone and place an actual call to your beloveds, then the next best option is the Personal Message.

And finally...

• The Work-Related Message Disquised as a Holiday Message: The Professional is not gonna front--she got a few emails that she mistakenly thought were just nice lil holiday messages from work colleagues. With subject lines like "Happy Holidays" to throw her off, its no wonder she got tricked! Awww...she thought. Isn't that nice?! Open the message up and its some sneaky trickster asking her for an approval or some information or relaying some irritating news. This type of message is dispicable! Be thuggish about yours at the very least...! Make your subject line something that clearly reads: I know its Christmas, but I need this information NOW. The Professional can respect that kind of gangster. But please don't guise your request as a "happy holidays" shout-out when you know daggone well that you need her to do some work.

With the above said, The Professional bids her readers a very heartfelt (yet generic, lol) Happy Christmahanakwanzakah. She definitely appreciates your readership, and looks forward to a great new year. Have a blessed day :-)

xoxo.