Flowers: The Good, The Bad & The Yucky

All you gentlemen out there certainly know by now that flowers make women smile. Even The Professional gets happy inside upon receiving flowers, despite the fact that she's deathly allergic to them. She's been known to suffer day in & day out from horrible hives and itching, just to keep an amazing floral display on her desk.

Flowers are appropriate for a plethora of occasions. They are congratulatory, they are celebratory, and they are even a sign of our sympathy. But you're grown. You know this by now.

Still, The Professional fears that some of you gentlemen (an admittedly, some of you ladies who play for Team Tacky) may not have a professional's grasp on the art of choosing flowers. In an effort to further fabulou-tize the world, The Professional offers her counsel to those in need...

RELAX, DON'T DO IT!
Never, ever-ever-ever purchase the following types of flora. They are cheap, tacky, and should not even found in a secondary role in a floral arrangement or bouquet:

Carnations: These flowers are so junior high. Refrain from ever handing them over as a "main flower," and sincerely use restraint even when they appear as part of a bouquet. When The Professional orders arrangements for delivery, she always request that there be no carnations included. They are cheap, they are tacky, and they have very little class.


Baby's Breath: That ridiculous white, prickly accoutrement in old school floral arrangements is called "Baby's Breath," and its tres tacky! Always, always forgo this stuff. The only person that can make Baby's Breath look classy is Martha Stewart, and guess what--you ain't she. So just don't do it. ** Special note: Don't EVER pair Baby's Breath with roses. Horrible!

GOOD BETS
Follow the guidelines below and you'll be looking like a professional your daggone self :-)

Lilies: There are many different kinds of lilies, and all of them are lovely. The type pictured to the left is a Stargazer Lily, one of The Professional's Favorites. However, note the orange stamens on this particular bloom. These need to be removed...waaaayyyy before they reach the powdery, pollen-y stage showed here. As lilies bloom, the pollen stamens can be easily and cleanly plucked off before becoming a yucky mess.

Orchids: An orchid plant is a timeless, sophisticated floral plant that, when given as a gift, shows your exquisite taste.

Roses: Remember, red roses symbolize love...yellow roses symbolize friendship. A helpful tip in choosing the right bunch: squeeze the base of the flower between your thumb and middle fingers. If the base of the flower is tight and hard, that means its fresh, and has a lot of life span left in it. If the base of the flower is soft and mushy, that means that it is on its way to becoming rotten very soon.

CHOOSING A PRE-MADE BOUQUET
Yes...The Professional understands that sometimes you're running late to an event or dinner party, and find yourself in the floral section of Whole Foods looking for a quick gift.

This is where it becomes very imperative to exercise good taste.

In the photo farthest to the left, notice that this bouquet seems to have been thrown together with little thought. Its sparse, sad, and contains no high-end flowers like roses or lillies. Its got a fake lil sunflower, and a couple of spikey-buds that look like they're on their last leg. Leave this bouquet in the store.

The second photo shows an acceptable bouquet. Its full, colorful, and most importantly, contains some rose stems and other unique blooms, indicating that its a better quality bunch.

***

This is a great time to point out yet another perk of living in Downtown Los Angeles: The proximity to the Flower District. The Professional needn't funk with overpriced grocery market flowers because she can skip her happy tail down into the Flower District and have an emperor's choice of fresh, beautiful florals of all types at wholesaler's rates. The Professional loves being the guest that always arrives, fabulously appropriate with a gift of lush, beautiful blooms in hand! Stick with the tips above and even a beginner will look like a champion when giving the gift of flowers :-)